Worries

It’s the day before (well, considering the time, actually of) Thanksgiving, and while I want to be more thankful for what I have, I can’t stop worrying about money.

Simply put, we’re outspending what we earn. Even though I’m making more money than the last job, our former renter is no longer with us, and Laureen’s going through a rough patch with Mary Kay. So, while we’re not hurting, yet, several things are affecting us.

If you’re reading this, please don’t take it as a sign that we need help or money right now. We’re okay, but the future looks iffy.

We went through a debt restructuring through Consumer Credit. While this was a good thing to do, considering we’d racked up $60,000 in debt, it still causes us to have to pay $1500 a month to them. Mortgage payments are another $1500. It starts to add up, bit by bit.

Yes, there are several things we don’t need: the piles of stuff sitting in the garage. Some of that can be sold. Some can’t. Do we get rid of cable and easy access to kids shows? Do we get rid of our home phones and go all cellular? How much more will we have to pay AT&T if we do that? Cut our giving to the church? That’s typically regarded as a non-negotiable. They say desperate times calls for desperate measures. I just don’t know if the desperation is all in my head or not.
I can’t tell you how sore a subject this is for me. It feels like my biggest failure as an adult has been managing money. Every system I’ve started I haven’t completed. Computers haven’t helped; there’s something inside of me that is reluctant to face pain or at least do something about it, and it becomes a vicious, vicious circle. Do nothing, it gets worse, so you feel worse, and you do nothing because it feels worse….

Positives: Mary Kay will kick back up. Laureen will sell her way to making the budget easier to balance. I’ve got reimbursement checks to file. The money will get there, somehow. I just don’t know how.

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