7:54The young man, “Chilly Willy,” is making his tops debut this season, and although he entered as a complete unknown, the country certainly knows his name now.
7:56The other big surprise of Round One is that Gudrun “Clothed Aggression” Danielson scored just a single point all round, in spite of her bold entering proclamation, “all y’all are some battle top pussies.” (edited) 11
Jason “Jase Windu” Fisher was a surprise addition to the match, after foregoing the grueling training season altogether to focus on a secondary hobby, Sitting In a Chair In the Back Yard
17:59His second place showing is far better than expected, leaving the competitors scratching their heads and wondering just where this young man’s skill ceiling really lies.
8:00Josie “Father, No” Fisher was of course a late replacement entrant, after discovering that her cat, Otis, had been disqualified due to a lack of thumbs.
8:00Asked for a comment on her fourth place showing, she replied with a rude gesture and a withering look.
And of course, Father Time himself has announced that this is likely his final professional tour, recognizing that the injuries he suffered in last year’s Monaco Cup have taken a toll and made him a shadow of the competitor we all remember.
8:05The athletes have gathered with their pit crews, reviewing strategy and fine tuning the mechanics of that vital initial pull as we wait for the elimination bracket.
8:06But as fans of the sport know well, no matter the plan, when the game is on, literally anything can happen.
8:07We’ll be back after a word from our sponsor, Nervous Bird.
nervous bird(2 MB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/gw3IWk4bUd5SnE8E/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955eba5610027af2d4711cf5ee839a3beb81e6d1f383&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by Cheezburger
Chilly Willy(1 MB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/cmospGjkZDPi0/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e6574cf1a6170c6dfcc738c72279410b51d242d9f&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy
8:29Pre game interviews:
8:29Josie: “… Go away”
8:30Gudrun: “I need more money.”
8:30Josie picks black, and Gudrun goes orange
8:30And it’s Gudrun drawing first blood off a Waxman hop!
8:32Third pull, Josie clearly has something to prove as Gudrun goes down with just one second on the clock. 2-1 Gudrun.
8:33And then Josie scored a drawn out Maximilian Reversal and ties it up!
8:34But Gudrun has clearly gotten inside Josie’s head, and she takes the match!
8:35The tension is palpable.
8:37It’s like BAH GAW but better
8:38And it’s Gudrun again! William has narrowed his eyes but frankly he just seems to be at sea here.
8:40ovation(591 kB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/HjheuybfwDGnu/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e491bd9a3af7a737afcf07a7237b557fd5965384b&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy
Baron Mind8:42 PM
blind(2 MB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/SJbsM0KbTrr3y/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e34367bc51a83970bb21a757b634944aa52ed4f50&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy2 repliesLast reply 19 hours agoView thread
bee costume cat(295 kB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/dXJya1T8rI8Cs/giphy.gif?cid=6104955eb5436fd4947999d4b3ffce3d04e198f27670fdc2&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy
8:43I’ve been trying to find this gif for five minutes.
8:43One of the other things that showed up for “Bee costume cat” was this
8:47My word, what a sad day, to see this mighty champion reduced to this. Heart breaking for long time fans of the league, and we all wonder if maybe the early retirement would have been best, leaving on his own terms.2
8:47But wait, pull three, and OH MY GOODNESS1
8:48The Spanish Fly, ladies and gentlemen! Jason is down and he is just not moving at all!
Baron Mind8:48 PM
OMG wrestling(2 MB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/9JpTHG8ZqKjHzxCO1u/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955e70f6f0e1059da8a72e065437c6727fae64d9819c&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by WWE
8:50OH MY WORD, FATHER TIME HAS LEAPT COMPLETELY OVER JASON AND STRUCK HIM DOWN1111
8:51It’s as if the clock has been rolled back, and we’re seeing him return to that scrappy, devastating form from his first run!
8:51And on to the match point at pull five!
top rope(1 MB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/3owvK2OcUAIKViiBuU/giphy.gif?cid=6104955eeda6196aec6a7959259c777052e78cfcaa8ce237&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by WWE
Baron Mind8:52 PM
soccer injury(348 kB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/glL0cGU5wYu4g/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ecc66f28ad09c741130991a9e5009283fd83f85c1&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by gifnews
8:53We need a moment to recover before the finals, which will feature Jason against the Cinderella story that is Team Gudrun!
8:53Let’s take one more message from Nervous Bird.
8:54nervous bird(2 MB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/1XhtZgJyb0AlM5rbVN/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955ea1b8c950ce40623eb20b55708f806e71ecff69c8&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by Hyper RPG1
Baron Mind8:55 PM
weirdest commercial(535 kB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/pQ0rk8NWRYXni/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e1c405e4767bebdfc46c15609eca1b0de5ce493b4&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy11 reply18 hours agoView thread
As our finalists approach the arena, the higher seeded Jason gets first choice of tops, and selects the controversial blue, and Gudrun can scarcely believe her luck that Jason has left her the orange top that’s been her trademark this entire tourney.
8:56They shake hands, and offer final comments to the camera.
8:57Jason: “We are going to… to… top top the tops.”1
8:57Cryptic and a little unsettling.
8:57Gudrun: “Seriously, I will sponsor anyone, I have no scruples”1
8:58She is dialed in and ready!
Baron Mind8:58 PM
clothed aggression(334 kB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/26xBR9I08Drio7jLa/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e0f79f8e7bbd8b32059bb5ddabb7ad0779949ee8f&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by ola szmida
9:00The trainers are asking for a restart on technical grounds, but the replay shows that both tops completed one revolution and touched the arena surface, so it’s 1-0 Gudrun right off the blocks.
9:00Pull two is up, and right away Jason strikes a mighty blow! Gudrun is reeling while Jason moves in.
Baron Mind9:01 PM
aggretsuko(2 MB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/pyvcdVophHk32gdleD/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955e3fd087fea4f2c1fa6327a311467420ee2419fe85&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by NETFLIX
9:022-0 Gudrun, and oh dear, she is actually taunting the young man from Wisconsin.
9:02“You’re going to lose,” she says.”And I am going to take your snacks.”
The crowd does NOT like that, and we’re all remembering the sportsmanship Jason showed earlier. The boos rain down, and Gudrun actually waves them on, relishing her turn as the villain of this story.
9:05Gudrun strikes first, and Jason reels into the NO, WHAT’S THIS, HE REVERSES COURSE AND HAS KNOCKED GUDRUN COMPLETELY OUT OF THE RING1
The trainers are asking Jason if he wants to switch to his signature black top, but no, he is staying with blue, a top that he had barely touched at all before the playoff season started.
9:07Gudrun stays with orange, no surprises there, and it’s pull four.
9:08Father Time, indeed!
9:09COULD THIS BE IT, FOLKS???
9:10JASON HAS KNOCKED GUDRUN SPRAWLING
9:10BOTH ARE SPINNING ON THE FLOOR OF THE ARENA AND, AND
Baron Mind9:10 PM
OMG wrestling(921 kB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/82XDa5wcmYn6oiTT5G/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ef28b1bad58a74cea7d366094cd8a6028a16130d8&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by WWE
9:112-2 AND IT IS MATCH POINT FOR THE TOURNAMENT
the crowd goes wild(1 MB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/XI1IrwOzsXVdycDaWO/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955ec11422a4060f15df2b34e7b8c32dd759f424f1ca&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by MLB
9:13There’s no way he can come back from this!
9:13Gudrun begins her victory lap as Jason teeters on the edge of disaster!
9:14HE HAS SPUN BACK INTO PLAY. I DON’T BELIEVE IT
GUDRUN IS DOWN
Baron Mind9:14 PM
undertaker(2 MB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/d9O4Lumgzag6iiDuGb/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ed450557c8306247c11a2cf38dd25f736f635f20e&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy |
9:14LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JASON IS OUR LEAGUE CHAMPION111
9:15UNFORGETTABLE AND LEGENDARY
9:15THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING US, I AM GEMELLI FOR NERVOUS BIRD, AND GOOD NIGHT3
9:16(So. All of that actually happened)
9:19Gonna show the blow-by-blow to the competitors?
9:21The pool also included a coupon to get out of kitchen chores for an evening.2
I was wondering why you’d seed a round robin, but that chart looks like a single elimination tournament instead.
9:23PAIGE NO (edited)
Baron Mind9:24 PM
cactus(508 kB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/P6Pt8lZw7BiQo/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e8438d089988aab708a3a2307da64522619597f3b&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphyCustom response
9:29The one earlier is tied to ?? and seems to be a magic 8-ball format.Custom response
Baron Mind9:33 PM
replied to a thread:Damn, my mom called earlier and I missed all the excitement at the end!Priorities! You can talk to your mom any time!View newer replies
12:25I will never forget the look on Will’s face as he walked into the room just as a large shouting man with a luchador mask tore his own shirt from his hairy torso.
12:25And he turned to me and said “I did not expect that.”3