Battletop Bonanza

gemelli:space_invader:7:42 PM
We are nearing the end of Round 1 of the Danielson Fisher Battle Tops tournament.

gemelli:space_invader:7:53 PM
Seeding from the round robin goes: William, Jason, Dad, Josie, Mom

7:54The young man, “Chilly Willy,” is making his tops debut this season, and although he entered as a complete unknown, the country certainly knows his name now.

7:56The other big surprise of Round One is that Gudrun “Clothed Aggression” Danielson scored just a single point all round, in spite of her bold entering proclamation, “all y’all are some battle top pussies.” (edited) :crying_cat_face:1:smile:1

Thok7:58 PM

:popcorn:

gemelli:space_invader:7:58 PM
Jason “Jase Windu” Fisher was a surprise addition to the match, after foregoing the grueling training season altogether to focus on a secondary hobby, Sitting In a Chair In the Back Yard:joy:

17:59His second place showing is far better than expected, leaving the competitors scratching their heads and wondering just where this young man’s skill ceiling really lies.

8:00Josie “Father, No” Fisher was of course a late replacement entrant, after discovering that her cat, Otis, had been disqualified due to a lack of thumbs.

8:00Asked for a comment on her fourth place showing, she replied with a rude gesture and a withering look.

LadyDoughnutPants8:02 PM

:joy:

gemelli:space_invader:8:02 PM
And of course, Father Time himself has announced that this is likely his final professional tour, recognizing that the injuries he suffered in last year’s Monaco Cup have taken a toll and made him a shadow of the competitor we all remember.

8:05The athletes have gathered with their pit crews, reviewing strategy and fine tuning the mechanics of that vital initial pull as we wait for the elimination bracket.

8:06But as fans of the sport know well, no matter the plan, when the game is on, literally anything can happen.

8:07We’ll be back after a word from our sponsor, Nervous Bird.

gemelli:space_invader:8:12 PM
nervous bird(2 MB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/gw3IWk4bUd5SnE8E/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955eba5610027af2d4711cf5ee839a3beb81e6d1f383&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by Cheezburger

gdyetrauda8:15 PM
I would hear more of this, thank you

gemelli:space_invader:8:27 PM
And we’re back, as the athletes begin their warm-ups and the coaches offer their final advice and guidance.

Nytmare8:28 PM
waves his Chilly Willy banner.

gemelli:space_invader:8:28 PM
In the elimination round, each head to head match will be settled as a best of 5, following standard league rules on faults and false starts.

Nytmare8:28 PM
Chilly Willy(1 MB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/cmospGjkZDPi0/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e6574cf1a6170c6dfcc738c72279410b51d242d9f&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy

gemelli:space_invader:8:29 PM
Our first match will be Josie facing off against Gudrun as the wild card entry into the semifinals round.

8:29Pre game interviews:

8:29Josie: “… Go away”

8:30Gudrun: “I need more money.”

8:30Josie picks black, and Gudrun goes orange

8:30And it’s Gudrun drawing first blood off a Waxman hop!

crovax1234:bus:8:31 PM
I’m not sure if I’m hoping more that that’s a term you just came up with or if it’s a legitimate term.

gemelli:space_invader:8:32 PM
Pull two, right out of the gate, Gudrun delivers a stunning blow and sends Josie reeling! The trainers have lodged a protest but the judges let it stand, 2-0 Gudrun.

8:32Third pull, Josie clearly has something to prove as Gudrun goes down with just one second on the clock. 2-1 Gudrun.

8:33And then Josie scored a drawn out Maximilian Reversal and ties it up!

8:34But Gudrun has clearly gotten inside Josie’s head, and she takes the match!

gdyetrauda8:35 PM
I have no clue how much of this is fiction and how much is reality, so I am going all in on 100% reality

gemelli:space_invader:8:35 PM
Next up is Gudrun facing off against Chilly Willy, with both opting to forego the pre game interviews.

8:35The tension is palpable.

crovax1234:bus:8:35 PM
I don’t know. They should both be fined for that.

gdyetrauda8:35 PM
TEAM GUDRUN

gemelli:space_invader:8:36 PM
And my goodness, Gudrun has struck first, with the newcomer sent reeling!8:36My goodness, welcome to the big leagues!

gdyetrauda8:37 PM
TIL Gemelli’s signature sportscaster phrase is MY GOODNESS:face_with_symbols_on_mouth:1

8:37It’s like BAH GAW but better

gemelli:space_invader:8:37 PM
Pull two, and we can see right away that this is going to be a scrappy affair, tops chipping and hopping all over the place.

8:38And it’s Gudrun again! William has narrowed his eyes but frankly he just seems to be at sea here.

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:38 PM
Seems like she was just getting them to let their guard down in round 1.

gdyetrauda8:38 PM
TAKE THAT, NYT

gemelli:space_invader:8:38 PM
Pull three, and ladies and gentlemen, this is just shocking!

crovax1234:bus:8:38 PM
As long as he doesn’t start yelling about things being seaward we’re fine

gdyetrauda8:38 PM
genuinely I am riveted

Nytmare8:38 PM
:7

gemelli:space_invader:8:39 PM
William goes to the top rope and attempts the controversial Arab Spring!:scream:2

crovax1234:bus:8:39 PM
I’m so, so, so god damned mad that you’re not streaming this or doing a google hangouts:+1:38:39So we can heckle or cheer.

gemelli:space_invader:8:39 PM
BUT NO, SHE HAS COUNTERED WITH THE RARELY SEEN FLICK FLACK:arrows_counterclockwise:1

crovax1234:bus:8:39 PM
I WANT YOU TO BE NARRATING THIS ALOUD.

gemelli:space_invader:8:39 PM
AND IT’S OVER, GUDRUN IN A STUNNING UPSET:crossed_flags:1

gdyetrauda8:39 PM
TEAM GUDRUN’S MOTTO IS TAKE NO PRISONERS

8:40ovation(591 kB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/HjheuybfwDGnu/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e491bd9a3af7a737afcf07a7237b557fd5965384b&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy

Nytmare8:40 PM
flick flack(2 MB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/hSBbSVosPMYKY/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955e7c9bf6608f1b37a9fe1e2cd46c1dc11df88ef6d4&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy

gemelli:space_invader:8:41 PM
We’ll be back with post game interviews, but this is already a match for the ages, ladies and gentlemen.

Nytmare8:41 PM
tosses his Chilly Willy banner.

gdyetrauda8:42 PM
puts together her Team Gudrun scrapbook

Nytmare8:42 PM
auctions of his jersey on eBay:money_with_wings:1

gemelli:space_invader:8:42 PM
In our second semifinals, it will be Jason and Father Time facing off, and it looks like Father Time is… yes, he is absolutely playing with no glasses!

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:42 PM
blind(2 MB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/SJbsM0KbTrr3y/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e34367bc51a83970bb21a757b634944aa52ed4f50&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy2 repliesLast reply 19 hours agoView thread

gemelli:space_invader:8:43 PM
A bold move, but will it be enough?

gdyetrauda8:43 PM
suspects Father Time is sandbagging

crovax1234:bus:8:43 PM
bee costume cat(295 kB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/dXJya1T8rI8Cs/giphy.gif?cid=6104955eb5436fd4947999d4b3ffce3d04e198f27670fdc2&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy

8:43I’ve been trying to find this gif for five minutes.

8:43One of the other things that showed up for “Bee costume cat” was this

crovax1234:bus:8:43 PM
https://giphy.com/gifs/kiss-couple-kissing-w3BjVXdBxhjW0Giphy(825 kB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/w3BjVXdBxhjW0/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e05dca9dc0c1de27af6d5572e09ab8cf3447722ea&rid=giphy.gif:open_mouth:2

gdyetrauda8:43 PM
THE AD BREAKS ARE GETTING WEIRD

gemelli:space_invader:8:44 PM
Well, early indications are no, as pull one ends with a one hop strike that sends Father completely out of the room.

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:44 PM
:lightsaber:

gemelli:space_invader:8:45 PM
Pull two starts off with both competitors circling the arena, a little tentative, checking each other’s defenses.

gdyetrauda8:46 PM
Team Time

gemelli:space_invader:8:46 PM
Father jumps in with a risky uppercut, but no, he gets slammed to the pavement and it’s 2-0 Jason.:boom:1

8:47My word, what a sad day, to see this mighty champion reduced to this. Heart breaking for long time fans of the league, and we all wonder if maybe the early retirement would have been best, leaving on his own terms.:older_man:2

8:47But wait, pull three, and OH MY GOODNESS:clock1030:1

8:48The Spanish Fly, ladies and gentlemen! Jason is down and he is just not moving at all!

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:48 PM
OMG wrestling(2 MB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/9JpTHG8ZqKjHzxCO1u/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955e70f6f0e1059da8a72e065437c6727fae64d9819c&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by WWE

gemelli:space_invader:8:49 PM
It’s been at least twelve years since we saw that maneuver in league play and the crowd just can’t believe it!

crovax1234:bus:8:49 PM
BY GOD AS MY WITNESS HE IS BROKEN IN HALF

Suikoman4448:49 PM
Spanish fly is impressive

gemelli:space_invader:8:49 PM
We’re going to pull four but the crowd is still roaring as the replays continue, and it is fair to say that IT’S NOT OVER

8:50OH MY WORD, FATHER TIME HAS LEAPT COMPLETELY OVER JASON AND STRUCK HIM DOWN:clock11:1:clock230:1:clock9:1:clock630:1

8:51It’s as if the clock has been rolled back, and we’re seeing him return to that scrappy, devastating form from his first run!

8:51And on to the match point at pull five!

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:51 PM

:crossed_flags:

Nytmare8:51 PM
top rope(1 MB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/3owvK2OcUAIKViiBuU/giphy.gif?cid=6104955eeda6196aec6a7959259c777052e78cfcaa8ce237&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by WWE

gemelli:space_invader:8:51 PM
… OH MY LORD, HE’S PULLED A MUSCLE AND HE IS DOWN

gdyetrauda8:51 PM
holds her breath

gemelli:space_invader:8:52 PM
FATHER TIME IS DOWN AND WHAT’S THIS, JASON IS HELPING HIM TO HIS FEET

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:52 PM
soccer injury(348 kB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/glL0cGU5wYu4g/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ecc66f28ad09c741130991a9e5009283fd83f85c1&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by gifnews

gemelli:space_invader:8:52 PM
WHAT A DISPLAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JASON TAKES THE MATCH BUT WHAT A FINISH TO THE OLD MAN’S CAREER:tada:2

8:53We need a moment to recover before the finals, which will feature Jason against the Cinderella story that is Team Gudrun!

8:53Let’s take one more message from Nervous Bird.

8:54nervous bird(2 MB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/1XhtZgJyb0AlM5rbVN/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955ea1b8c950ce40623eb20b55708f806e71ecff69c8&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by Hyper RPG:open_mouth:1

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:55 PM
weirdest commercial(535 kB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/pQ0rk8NWRYXni/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e1c405e4767bebdfc46c15609eca1b0de5ce493b4&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy:open_mouth:11 reply18 hours agoView thread

gemelli:space_invader:8:56 PM
As our finalists approach the arena, the higher seeded Jason gets first choice of tops, and selects the controversial blue, and Gudrun can scarcely believe her luck that Jason has left her the orange top that’s been her trademark this entire tourney.

8:56They shake hands, and offer final comments to the camera.

8:57Jason: “We are going to… to… top top the tops.”:clap:1

8:57Cryptic and a little unsettling.

8:57Gudrun: “Seriously, I will sponsor anyone, I have no scruples”:moneybag:1

8:58She is dialed in and ready!

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:8:58 PM
clothed aggression(334 kB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/26xBR9I08Drio7jLa/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e0f79f8e7bbd8b32059bb5ddabb7ad0779949ee8f&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by ola szmida

gemelli:space_invader:8:58 PM
Pull one, and ohh, ladies and gentlemen, what a disappointing start for Team Jason as he barely manages two spins before coughing to a halt.

9:00The trainers are asking for a restart on technical grounds, but the replay shows that both tops completed one revolution and touched the arena surface, so it’s 1-0 Gudrun right off the blocks.

9:00Pull two is up, and right away Jason strikes a mighty blow! Gudrun is reeling while Jason moves in.

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:01 PM
aggretsuko(2 MB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/pyvcdVophHk32gdleD/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955e3fd087fea4f2c1fa6327a311467420ee2419fe85&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by NETFLIX

gemelli:space_invader:9:01 PM
But OH NO, it was a ploy and ohh, what he thought was a death blow was merely a setup to a beautiful Serbian Counter Hop!:crossed_flags:1

9:022-0 Gudrun, and oh dear, she is actually taunting the young man from Wisconsin.

9:02“You’re going to lose,” she says.”And I am going to take your snacks.”

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:03 PM
https://youtu.be/EGyfdtW5zn0YouTube | Yusi-D-JordanGrievous with too many lightsabers [Extended Version]

gemelli:space_invader:9:03 PM
The crowd does NOT like that, and we’re all remembering the sportsmanship Jason showed earlier. The boos rain down, and Gudrun actually waves them on, relishing her turn as the villain of this story.

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:04 PM
(I suspect Gemelli just made up the nicknames but I’m all in on them)

Nytmare9:04 PM
Gudrun is going to be brought down by the eventual doping scandal.

crovax1234:bus:9:04 PM
Naw, Father Time seems to be the dope

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:04 PM
Haters will say it’s fake!

gemelli:space_invader:9:04 PM
And we’re on to Pull 3, Jason coming in with a bit of fire in his eyes, ladies and gentlemen.

9:05Gudrun strikes first, and Jason reels into the NO, WHAT’S THIS, HE REVERSES COURSE AND HAS KNOCKED GUDRUN COMPLETELY OUT OF THE RING:scream:1

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:05 PM
HIS GOODNESS

gemelli:space_invader:9:05 PM
IT’S 2-1 GUDRUN, BUT WE HAVE A GAME ON OUR HANDS, TOP FANS

Nytmare9:06 PM
Never come between Jason and his snacks. She should have known better.

gemelli:space_invader:9:06 PM
The trainers are asking Jason if he wants to switch to his signature black top, but no, he is staying with blue, a top that he had barely touched at all before the playoff season started.

9:07Gudrun stays with orange, no surprises there, and it’s pull four.

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:07 PM
I just want to clarify that we’ve all been watching this unfold for now than an hour.

9:08Father Time, indeed!

gemelli:space_invader:9:08 PM
The two tops circle each other, each waiting to draw out a mistake from the opponent, but with the stakes this high there is little chance of that.:crossed_swords:1

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:08 PM
To further clarify: it’s been an hour very well spent.

Pithlit:impish_angel:9:08 PM
Best hour of my day to be sure.

gemelli:space_invader:9:08 PM
One hit from Gudrun, another hit from Jason, and back to circling and waiting.

Nytmare9:09 PM
beyblade(1 MB)https://media0.giphy.com/media/TVU60CUSxqDZu/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955e5170167c10268c32101cc788c24b6e1a3e6f682a&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy:smile:1

gemelli:space_invader:9:09 PM
Gudrun’s beginning to wobble, and Jason jumps in, but oh no, she uses the impact to right herself and now it’s Jason on the ropes!

9:09COULD THIS BE IT, FOLKS???

Pithlit:impish_angel:9:09 PM

:scream:

:scream:1

gemelli:space_invader:9:09 PM
… I DON’T BELIEVE IT, I DON’T BELIEVE IT

9:10JASON HAS KNOCKED GUDRUN SPRAWLING

9:10BOTH ARE SPINNING ON THE FLOOR OF THE ARENA AND, AND

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:10 PM
OMG wrestling(921 kB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/82XDa5wcmYn6oiTT5G/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ef28b1bad58a74cea7d366094cd8a6028a16130d8&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by WWE

gemelli:space_invader:9:10 PM
JASON TAKES IT BY A NOSE

9:112-2 AND IT IS MATCH POINT FOR THE TOURNAMENT

Pithlit:impish_angel:9:11 PM
the crowd goes wild(1 MB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/XI1IrwOzsXVdycDaWO/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955ec11422a4060f15df2b34e7b8c32dd759f424f1ca&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy | GIF by MLB

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:11 PM
Probably gonna be another sponsor break.

gemelli:space_invader:9:11 PM
It’s blue and orange for all the marbles, and could we have scripted a better finish??Custom response

Slackbot9:11 PM
I don’t give a shit.

gemelli:space_invader:9:12 PM
Pull five, here we go!

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:12 PM
Boo, get outta here, Slacky!

Nytmare9:12 PM
beyblade(993 kB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/12UOLiPvfv9wXK/giphy-downsized.gif?cid=6104955eab1747c7d8bca188b264eb42c93cd15513df41d5&rid=giphy-downsized.gifPosted using /giphy:hatched_chick:1

gemelli:space_invader:9:12 PM
It’s aggression from Gudrun right out of the gate! Oh my goodness, Jason’s top has landed on the outer ring of the arena!

9:13There’s no way he can come back from this!

9:13Gudrun begins her victory lap as Jason teeters on the edge of disaster!

9:13BUT WAIT

9:14HE HAS SPUN BACK INTO PLAY. I DON’T BELIEVE IT

GUDRUN IS DOWN

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:14 PM
undertaker(2 MB)https://media2.giphy.com/media/d9O4Lumgzag6iiDuGb/giphy.gif?cid=6104955ed450557c8306247c11a2cf38dd25f736f635f20e&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy |

gemelli:space_invader:9:14 PM
THE CROWD IS DEAFENING

9:14LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JASON IS OUR LEAGUE CHAMPION:tada:1:clap:1:crossed_flags:1

Pithlit:impish_angel:9:14 PM
amazing(597 kB)https://media3.giphy.com/media/l46CkATpdyLwLI7vi/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e97326955447f37a0a35416b31a00880110f660a4&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphy

gemelli:space_invader:9:15 PM
WHAT A FINISH

9:15UNFORGETTABLE AND LEGENDARY

9:15THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING US, I AM GEMELLI FOR NERVOUS BIRD, AND GOOD NIGHT:+1:3

9:16(So. All of that actually happened)

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:16 PM
Golden voice! Golden voice!

gemelli:space_invader:9:16 PM
Gudrun: “good game, but that was some bullshit.”:smile:1

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:16 PM
You gotta @ the channel when these things are happening. I’m just lucky I tuned in!

gemelli:space_invader:9:17 PM
Image from iOS 9:18I didn’t plan the commentary, it just sort of happened!

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:18 PM
It was amazing! Well done.

9:19Gonna show the blow-by-blow to the competitors?

gemelli:space_invader:9:20 PM
Yep!

crovax1234:bus:9:20 PM
Who is most likely to punch you?

gemelli:space_invader:9:21 PM
The finishing order determined the selection of snacks from the prize pool.

9:21The pool also included a coupon to get out of kitchen chores for an evening.:+1:2

crovax1234:bus:9:22 PM
How edible is that?

Pithlit:impish_angel:9:22 PM
Anything’s edible if you’re brave enough. (edited) 

Thok

9:23 PM
I was wondering why you’d seed a round robin, but that chart looks like a single elimination tournament instead.

9:23PAIGE NO (edited) 

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:24 PM
cactus(508 kB)https://media1.giphy.com/media/P6Pt8lZw7BiQo/giphy.gif?cid=6104955e8438d089988aab708a3a2307da64522619597f3b&rid=giphy.gifPosted using /giphyCustom response

Slackbot9:24 PM
I’ve got sacral bidet trainings to do.

crovax1234:bus:9:25 PM
what are these auto responses

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:29 PM
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9:29The one earlier is tied to ?? and seems to be a magic 8-ball format.Custom response

Slackbot9:29 PM
My reply is no.

gdyetrauda9:30 PM
Damn, my mom called earlier and I missed all the excitement at the end!2 repliesLast reply 18 hours agoView thread

gemelli:space_invader:9:30 PM
Yeah, the round robin was just “everyone plays everyone” to seed for the single elimination.

DanBob:peach-o:9:31 PM
The other is a nod to Steve Martin’s “Grandmother Song.” I believe it triggers off of obsequious, purple, clairvoyant, pompous, obese, and cactus.:+1:1Custom response

Slackbot9:31 PM
:crown: ALL :crown: HAIL :crown: KING :crown: TORG :crown:

Baron Mind:hear_no_evil:9:33 PM
replied to a thread:Damn, my mom called earlier and I missed all the excitement at the end!Priorities! You can talk to your mom any time!View newer replies

shoptroll10:14 PM
So is this the Gemelli household version of Marbula One?

arsh11:28 PM
I cannot BELIEVE I MISSED THIS WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING (edited) 11:28https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqfz7f2-cAUYouTube | Ludography.netGeekway to the West 2015 Battling Tops finalToday


gemelli:space_invader:12:24 AM
We mentioned that exact event in the lead up!

12:25I will never forget the look on Will’s face as he walked into the room just as a large shouting man with a luchador mask tore his own shirt from his hairy torso.

12:25And he turned to me and said “I did not expect that.”:smile:3

LadyDoughnutPants12:27 AM

:joy:
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